Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
