She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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