It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
