I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
