I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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