I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
