Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
