Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
