I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Are my feet made of real feet?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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