Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize