My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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