i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize