I have demons in me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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