and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
