I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
