he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
