just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
