So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
