And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
