i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
