So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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