I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
