we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
