Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
