I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
