I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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