Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize