I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
