Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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