i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
