Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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