No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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