i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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