That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
