Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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