And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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