i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
