My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
