it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
