I think I died a long time ago.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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