well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
