yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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