I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
