Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
