hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
