i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found a bag of teeth...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
