I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
