I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
