I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
