I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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