i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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