Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
