I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
