a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
