he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Two words: blizzard sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
