I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
