Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
