i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
