Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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