don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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