Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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