I am in a vortex of obligation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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