i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
