Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
