so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
