oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
