its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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