An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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